i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
