Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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