But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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