I'm jealous of your bromance
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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