The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
