guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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