I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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