Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
