Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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