even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
