why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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