Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
