by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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