I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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