i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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