how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
