im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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