Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen