Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We had to coat check the pizza.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup