Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it

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(905): I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it http://tfl.nu/0syl

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.

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(717):Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine. (1-717):That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with. http://tfl.nu/pv3h

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(571): View more from Virginia

capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.

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(571): capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid. http://tfl.nu/gx7i

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.

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(609): Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine. http://tfl.nu/cx6r

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(803): View more from South Carolina

you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.

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(803): you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night. http://tfl.nu/8q1c

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(714): View more from California

I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

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(714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb

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(804): View more from Virginia

They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.

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(804): They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones. http://tfl.nu/bfce

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(854): View more from

i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews

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(854): i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews http://tfl.nu/lvjo

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.

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(203): I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me. http://tfl.nu/grro

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.

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(443): Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest. http://tfl.nu/68lv

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(214): View more from Texas

Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.

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(214): Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend. http://tfl.nu/ael4

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(516): View more from New York

you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.

(1-516): View more from New York

right. well we all have our lows.

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(516): you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk. (1-516): right. well we all have our lows. http://tfl.nu/vj3x

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.

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(724): The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost. http://tfl.nu/1p7q

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(206): View more from Washington

He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.

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(206): He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years. http://tfl.nu/o48r

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(816): View more from Missouri

I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.

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(816): I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night. http://tfl.nu/an2g

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