I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
