y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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