some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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