Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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