I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize