I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
