It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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