I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
