I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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