You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
