you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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