I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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