i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
