my mouth tastes like poor choices
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
