I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize