At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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