dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
