Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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