But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
