you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize