i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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