I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i think my cat just said my name.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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