Hippo gnu deer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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