I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
