So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize