Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
