Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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