Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
