she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
