She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Semen is not good for contacts.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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