You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
