Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
