This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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