i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
