dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
