We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
