BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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