my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
