I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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